Governor Rick Perry, who became head redneck after W became the Moron in Chief, would like to see if the Oval Office is really oval, or if they just call it that to confuse the Russians. Given the current field of evolutionary throwbacks vying for the GOP presidential nomination, I say, "Why not?" The moron, the merrier.
Perry has a problem that, like a stubborn case of jock itch, just won't go away. Every few years, rumors begin to circulate the Gov. Perry likes dick -- and I don't mean Nixon.
Politico reports that every time the attractive-in-an-Osmond-kinda-way politician runs for office, he has to defend himself against rumors that he's a butt pirate, even though no one has ever been able confirm whether or not the Texas governor is a Friend of Dorothy.
The Politico story says that the gay rumors have been all over Perry's still-perky-for-his-age ass ever since his earliest days in politics, back in 2002. This time around, however, Perry's man handlers are not going to let him take it on the chin again.
The claims, which had made the rounds for months by the time the story was written, included rumors that Perry and his wife Anita had split, and that the governor was gay.
The state Democratic Party in Texas seized on the rumors seven years ago, the American-Statesman reported, prompting the governor to finally address them himself as an "obvious, orchestrated effort" launched by political foes. They spread for two months, were posted on various websites and were vetted by many national outlets, all of which turned up nothing.
But Team Perry, asked about how it's prepared to handle them when they emerge if he runs, said it remains "false and misleading."
"As you may know, Rick and Anita Perry first met in grade school, went on their first date together in 1966, have been lovingly married since 1982 and are parents to two grown children," said top Perry strategist Dave Carney. "This kind of nameless, faceless smear campaign is run against the Perry family in seemingly every campaign, with no basis, truth or success."I think they left out that summer he spent at ex-gay camp when he was 13, but I could be wrong.
If it will help keep Perry out of the White House, I am more than happy to welcome him into our big gay family with open gay arms and a full on, big gay kiss on the lips... with gay tongue!