The U.S. Centers For Disease Control has recommended some radical precautionary measures to stem a potential global spread of the worst health threat to the human race since SARS. In a bold move, Health officials urged the public to wash their hands and use tissue when they sneeze or cough. Some fringe elements advocate the use of hand sanitizer.
Those commie bastards!
Americans will never willingly give up their God-given right to be dirty, rude and disgusting! Coughing in someone's face is as American as mom, apple pie and morbid obesity!
Medical experts have revealed that symptoms of the deadly disease include flu-like symptoms. Radical new treatments are being developed to treat the afflicted masses. Early reports suggest bed rest and forcing plenty of fluids. At a recent medical conference on the pandemic, acclaimed immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci said "Nanna's chicken soup works best."