This is why Virginia is a National Joke

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In case you're just tuning in, this is what you've missed about the Commonwealth of Virginia. Same-sex marriage is bad. Legislating against the biblical end of days is good.

Delegate Mark L. Cole (R-Fredericksburg) has introduced a bill that would ban the forced implantation of microchips in humans. A lot of states have these laws, it's no big deal really. These are the chips that help you find your lost dog. The use of this technology has been proposed for tracking Alzheimer's patients who wander off or, potentially protecting children. There has never been a proposal anywhere that these implants ought to be mandatory. Okay so far, right?

The difference here is that Cole's rationale for passing this bill is to prevent the biblical end of days. Del. Cole admits he's no Bible scholar, but he's heard that a lot of people think of microchips as the mark of the beast. Cole told the Washington Post, "My understanding -- I'm not a theologian -- but there's a prophecy in the Bible that says you'll have to receive a mark, or you can neither buy nor sell things in end times," Cole said. "Some people think these computer chips might be that mark."

According to the Post, Cole's paranoia leads him to believe that the growing use of microchips could allow employers, insurers or the government to track people against their will and that implanting a foreign object into a human being could also have adverse health effects. "I just think you should have the right to control your own body," Cole said.

So, in case you're keeping track, in Virginia you should have the right to control your own body and keep the government from implanting a microchip that may or may not be the mark of some mythical beast that will bring about the end of the world, which, since it's a prophecy, can't be stopped anyway.

However, in Virginia you do not have the right to control your own body if your body wants to marry another body of the same sex so you can build a life together, because that's just crazy talk.

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