Monday, May 4, 2009

Dried Fruit: Healthy Natural Snack or Freudian Nightmare?

Recently, a Vegan co-worker offered me some of the dried fruit she was snacking on. I took one look and, trying hard to stifle my long dormant, but now wide awake gag reflex, politely declined.

When she asked me why, I explained to her that although dried fruit is a healthier alternative to junk food, I could not put something in my mouth that looks like it fell off a hooker with leprosy.

Why does dried food have to look so disgusting? I'd eat more of it if it looked like actual food. Living in the country, I can get all the fresh fruit I want from the cherry, apple and peach trees in my yard. Maybe I'm just too gay for my own good, but I refuse to eat anything that should only be seen by Joan Rivers' gynecologist.

BTW, to all you Vegans out there, mint is a vegetable. You may be offended by my meat breath, but your mulch breath is no picnic either.

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