(Possibly NSFW):
Kathy Griffin: "When Joan was born, the doctors took one look at her face and said, holy shit, we're gonna make a fortune off of this one."
Brad Garrett: "Joan's face has been lifted so many times, when she sneezes she has to blow her clit."
Greg Geraldo: (to Joan) "You're like Robo-Cop; you're half human and nobody's given a shit about you since 1987."
Whitney Cummings: "I always wanted to know what Ivana Trump would look like if she were dating Chris Brown."
Joan Rivers: (to Tom Arnold) "You've been in Betty Ford more times than Gerald was."
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