Thursday, December 2, 2010

Russian Paper Calls Sarah Palin a Traitor: Why We Deserve That Dumb Bitch

Sarah Palin holding a T-shirt related to the G... Finally somebody in the press has the balls to call out Alaska's shrieking harpy, Sarah "Half-Term" Palin, for the buffoon she really is. A story posted Monday at has been making the rounds on the webs for its coverage of a story in Pravda, the official newspaper of Palin's neighbor, Russia, called "Spankin' Sarah Palin: A clown short of a circus".

Columnist Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey, whose name sounds more British than Russian, but what do I know, starts out, "I have already called Sarah Palin a pith-headed bimbo from the back of beyond, in this column. I shall now go one step further. By attacking the democratically elected President of the United States of America at a sensitive time in her country's history, she shows the tact of a boorish drunkard bawling obscenities at a funeral."

Oh my God! Mr. Bancroft-Hinchey, I think I wanna have your baby.

The Pravda piece goes on to quote some of Palin's most ridiculous statements and compares her public persona to the "dumb blond" characterization created by Marilyn Monroe, except that Monroe's image was an act and Palin's is the sad, ugly, embarrassing truth. Bancroft-Hinchey also compares her to a Simpson's character mash-up:
"Hockey Mum Sarah ex-Governess of Alaska is famous for her shrill shrieking style, displaying a pitifully shallow persona which one hopes is stage-managed to give the rest of the world a good chuckle at the Americans' ability and unique quality to make fun of themselves, a real-life female version of Homer Simpson-cum-Belching Barney at Mo's, giving us ever-more hilarious soundbites as she sets herself up as the dumbest woman on Earth."
I could argue that Bancroft-Hinchey has probably not met every woman on the planet, but I'll take his word for it. I think my favorite line in the piece is, "If anything is a threat to the national security of the United States of America, it is this screaming, unrefined oaf with as much class as a searing release of flatulence followed by hysterical giggling at a state banquet. Is this what the people of the USA deserve?"

"Deserve" may not be the exact word for it, but Sarah and her ilk are what we seem to crave. We Americans always jones for what's bad for us. If we were capable of an attention span longer than a sneeze, we'd remember that there are consequences for our choices. We are a nation of morbidly obese, alcohol and drug abusers who, nearly three decades after the first reported cases of HIV/AIDS, continue to have unprotected sex and our kids have babies before finishing high school, because we have failed to learn the relationship between cause and effect.

Bancroft-Hinchey ends his commentary saying:
To attack the President of the country at a time when the USA needs to close ranks and stand together to consolidate the enormous strides his intelligent and respectful approach has achieved in building bridges, when her party's period in government bombed them, Spankin' Sarah Palin comes across as a pitifully inadequate anachronism from the times of the Far West.

The United States of America has evolved. She has not.
As a European, Bancroft-Hinchey may not understand that 40% of Americans, Palin included, don't believe in evolution, so his conclusion about Americans evolving may be a bit generous, if only due to his naivete. People who don't believe in evolution rarely evolve.
Now that I think about it, in answer to Mr. Bancroft-Hinchey's question, "Yes", the American people deserve Sarah Palin, just like we deserved the moronic George W. Bush. Because if we're so lazy that we can't pick up a newspaper, or listen to opinions that differ from our own, or do the homework it takes to get to the facts behind the partisan bullshittery, than we deserve Sarah Palin, her white trash brood and so much more.
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