Breaking: Rapture Cancelled. Gays just not gay enough. (News Video)

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Bad news boys and girls. The much anticipated Rapture has been called off. Rev. Harold Camping has cancelled the end of the world for unspecified reasons, leaving followers and heathens totally bummed out. I was really looking forward to all the extra parking at Sunday Brunch tomorrow.

Camping has said that society's acceptance of the gays is what triggered Jesus to pull the plug on mankind. Because, you know, ever since we got all the same rights as the straights and can get married and never get fired, harassed, beaten or killed any more just for being different, the Christianists don't have anything to do.

Maybe we're just not gay enough any more. With all this acceptance and everything, maybe we've lost our edge. We'll just have to try harder next time. Maybe we need to attend a seminar or something.

On the other hand, maybe the big event actually did take place, but Camping and his moronic flock just weren't on the list. Better luck next Apocalypse!

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