Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Schwarzenegger Admits to Being Baby-Daddy

Ooo, baby! Gimme some o' dat!
When word got out last week that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have split up after 25 years of marriage, every woman on daytime TV was scratching their Botox-injected heads and saying, "I don't understand, they seemed so solid." I don't recall hearing even one male newsperson, (unless you count E! as news) expressing anything remotely resembling shock or surprise.

Why? Because every hetero male knows one simple fact: breeders can't keep it in their pants.

This morning the former steroid case admitted to having fathered a child ten years ago with a woman who worked in the former first couple's home. The Sperminater says this morning via the L.A. Times:
"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Schwarzenegger told the Times in a statement that also was sent to The Associated Press early Tuesday. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.
From George Washington, Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich, to rapist IMF head and former French presidential hopeful Dominique Strauss-Kahn, there's not a damn one of 'em that knows the meaning of the word "faithful".

Of course I know that's not true. There are one or two good ones. But if our opponents can use the actions of a few bad apples to stereotype the gays, we can do it too. And since there are a lot more of them than there are of us, it stands to reason that there are a lot more straight guys out there screwing around than gay guys. And why is it that the straights aren't practicing safe sex? It boggles the mind.

And what's with all this "love child" bullshit? Not only is the term straight out of 1969, but in the immortal words on Tina Turner, "What's love got to do with it?"
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  1. Love every last damn word of it. The Sperminator - crack me up. The breeders can't keep it in their pants. I swear it's funny because it's all so very true.! And yes please stereotype those male heteros. Thanks for this one. Suzy

  2. Thanks Suzy. I got a million of 'em!


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